My Inner Voice
When I was a small child, my Grandmother used to read me bedtime stories. She was a wonderful woman, full of imagination. She just made them up as she went along and created this fantasy world. She spurred in me the love for stories.
As a young girl, I enjoyed reading and writing a lot. I used to subscribe to a book club about horse books, and then I would read them all the way through as soon as they arrived in my mailbox. The stories I enjoyed the most were the stories where the horse was the main character, and where we could see the world through his/her eyes.
I was fortunate enough to have a great imagination when I started school, and so I wrote essays about all kinds of things. Of course, as I got older, these essays were graded. My fantasy and imagination were now being judged by a grade.
But to my dismay, I sometimes got bad grades for stories that I really enjoyed writing, and about which I was very proud of. This experience made me stop writing from my heart.
Instead, I started to write in the form that the teacher wanted me to write.
I especially remember one incident when I had a conversation with my teacher. I was asked to name a quality about myself that I was proud of. I said that I was creative. With that, she started laughing and told me, “I don’t think so. Pick another.”
I felt so stupid and unworthy. Who was she to say that?
So as a result, I shut off my creativity and fantasy and wrote less and less. I focused on being the perfect student, daughter, and woman. I did what I was told and what I thought society expected of me.
Later I got pregnant with my second child, and I was given a leave of absence when he was born. In that time off, something reignited inside of me and my creativity and fantasy started to come alive once again.
One night, I couldn’t sleep. I got out of bed and started writing on my computer. I just wrote and wrote and wrote without critiquing or analyzing. From that story, the idea of Luke, the Horse Who Wanted to Be a Unicorn was born.
And here’s the funny thing: Out of the blue, I recently met my old teacher again. She inquired about what I was doing in life. I told her that I am writing an English children’s book, and she said, “You surprise me!”
Don’t let anyone take away your inner voice – believe in yourself and never stop trying!